So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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