That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
