Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
