I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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