just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
