So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
