Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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