I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
