Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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