is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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