oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
