it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
