I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
