he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You are a genius and a whore.
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