Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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