the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
