Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
