I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
