I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
50% drunk capacity currently
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
