Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
