oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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