So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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