It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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