those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i think im in europe. pls send help
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize