Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
