i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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