What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
