I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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