This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
