Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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