And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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