My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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