he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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