I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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