I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
