its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize