you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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