IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
