Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
