Nicole vs. Life
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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