Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
