There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
