why didn't you poke me back
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He did a backflip because drugs
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
