I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize