Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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