ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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