I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I wear drunk well.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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