Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
