Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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