you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
