She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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