Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
