btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
