Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
