She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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