i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
