end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
