Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
