My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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