guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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