i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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