Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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