He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
