there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
