Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
