so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
