Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
