why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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