We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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