When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
