i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
